First Stage: Tension remains rational and relatively controlled

  • Tension and hardening: The protagonists feel irritated, refuse to compromise, and lock themselves into rigid positions. They develop one-sided arguments, and the tone hardens.

  • Debate and polemic: Conversations become rough. The parties nitpick, exaggerate statements, and attempt to destabilize the opposing side, falling into generalizations. Distrust sets in, and outbursts of anger become frequent.

  • Actions over words: The protagonists feel the situation is blocked and believe talking is no longer useful. They see each other as competitors, viewing direct action as the only response to the other's behavior. They believe they can force the other to yield while denying their own responsibility.

Second Stage: Focus shifts to the relationship itself

  • Stereotyping and coalitions: The debate becomes binary—a matter of victory or defeat. The original subject of the dispute fades into the background. Indirect attacks emerge through irony, slander, and insinuations. It becomes impossible to recognize any positive quality in the other party, whose image becomes heavily stereotyped. The parties attempt to form alliances to destabilize the opponent.

  • Loss of face: The perception of the opponent changes radically. The parties feel the mask has fallen, finally revealing the opponent's true, immoral, unhealthy, or even criminal face. The dispute shifts to a moral level, demonizing the opponent as a symbol of evil. Physical discomfort is felt in their presence, and all blows are considered fair game. Suspicion becomes systematic, with every gesture interpreted negatively.

  • Threat strategies: Threats are brandished to force the opponent in a desired direction. Threats may take the form of an ultimatum or be made public (e.g., in the press) to ensure they are taken seriously. The parties lose control over events and drift away from reality, making the conflict complex and unmanageable.

Third Stage: Confrontation becomes destructive

  • Limited destructive blows: The opponent has become an enemy stripped of human qualities. The parties feel their own security is at stake and believe they must attack the opponent to survive. Attacks target financial resources, legal status, or power levers. Each party accepts its own damage, provided the damage inflicted on the opponent is greater.

  • Fragmentation and total destruction: Attacks intensify, targeting vital centers. The goal is the total destruction of the enemy, with self-preservation serving as the only remaining constraint.

  • Together into the abyss: The desire to destroy the enemy is so intense that even the self-preservation instinct disappears. The enemy must be destroyed at all costs. Ruin, bankruptcy, prison sentences, physical harm—nothing else matters. All bridges are burned, and there is no turning back.

Faced with such a downward spiral, third parties are often powerless. Mediation can only be considered if the adversaries realize that their destructive conflict is leading nowhere and that they need each other to break the deadlock. However, this awareness must occur before the conflict reaches a point of no return.

Indeed, as long as the protagonists remain within the first stage, an amicable agreement (win-win) remains possible because the perception of the other party is not irremediably damaged. During the second stage, the conflict has hardened, and each protagonist will want the other to lose something (win-lose). Mediation remains possible at this stage, but it is imperative to establish a framework of mutual respect and exercise patience, as emotions must yield to reason. If the protagonists reach the third stage (lose-lose), no agreement can be envisioned. It is therefore best not to sow the wind to reap the whirlwind.

Sources: This article is loosely inspired by the excellent blog of Thierry Noellec, mediator, who in turn cites the work of Friedrich Glasl. Illustration courtesy of Wikipedia.

Article originally published in La Libre Économique by Tanguy della Faille, Partner at Fondaris, on 28/03/2026. Published/updated version on the Fondaris website with the author’s permission.